I used to think burnout was something distant—something that happened to other people. I read the stories and nodded along, but never imagined it could happen to me. That is until I found myself spiralling down that very path without even realising it.
When I moved to a new country, I was stripped of my familiar network, support system, and routine. But in my usual fashion, I convinced myself that I could handle it. After all, I’d always managed before. So there I was, juggling a demanding full-time academic program, a full-time job, and all the household chores that used to be divided among my support system. I naively believed I could power through, just like I always had—until I couldn’t.
Does it sound like you?
I kept up this gruelling routine for months until my body started to protest. First, it was joint pain. Then came the constant exhaustion, loss of appetite, and a creeping impatience that coloured everything I did. I started feeling overwhelmed, forgetting basic things, and soon panic attacks followed. The severity hit me when I struggled to catch my breath on simple walks. But even then, I didn’t seek medical help. I kept convincing myself that it was just the stress of my new phase and that more rest would fix it. Spoiler Alert! it didn’t!
Did I see myself as a Supermum? Absolutely.
I believed I could handle anything and everything for the sake of my family while still nurturing the visions in my overworked mind.
Was I ignorant to some extent? Yes!
I should have acknowledged that my achievements back home were mainly due to a strong support system, a systematic routine, and the advantage of youth. Eventually, I realised that more rest wasn’t the magic cure. I needed to seek medical help, then recalibrate and pay attention to ME!
The Reality of Burnout for Working Mums
The impact of burnout on working mothers is profound. An estimated 2.35 million mothers in the US have grappled with burnout due to the unequal home and work demands (BBC, 2021). In the UK, 93% of adults can correctly identify some symptoms of burnout, while 68% mistakenly associate these symptoms with anxiety (Mental Health UK, 2024). Furthermore, it’s essential to recognise that Black, Asian, and Latina mothers experience heightened levels of burnout (Psych Central, 2022).
Five Lessons I Learned While Combating Burnout
1. Identify the Root Cause: Recognising the primary cause of burnout was crucial for me. I focused on pinpointing what was draining my energy.
2. Reframe Productivity: Productivity isn’t about doing everything. I had to reprioritise my tasks and pace myself. Indeed, not everything was important and urgent; I had to repeatedly mumble the line I tell myself when I feel overwhelmed—“I ain’t in competition with nobody”! And I learned to say “No” with joy when necessary, protecting myself and my personal, mental, and emotional space.
3. Prioritise Responsibilities: Because I juggle multiple responsibilities, I have clearly distinguished between my “glass balls” and “rubber balls.” Glass balls can’t be dropped and must be carefully prioritised and attended to. Rubber balls, however, can be dropped or put down for a while without damage. So, I now prioritise my health, family, and faith, which truly matter, and handle my rubber balls as needed.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: I’ve adopted the practice of self-compassion, acknowledging that I’m doing my best and affirming that my efforts are enough. My house must not be speck and clean, nor must the dinner served be 100% great. However, I affirm the ideology of Neena Lall, LCSW, MPH, a New York City-based Grouport therapist, “Whatever I got done today was enough.” As Lall notes, “By allowing your best to be enough, you’re modelling for your children that it’s OK to be human; it is OK to set expectations for yourself, fall short of them, get up, and try the next day again.
5. Manage Triggers and Prioritise Self-Care: I’ve learned to identify and address the triggers that drain my energy. As psychologists advise, when familiar worries surface, consider replacing them with alternative actions. For instance, if mornings overwhelm you, start your day with a calming guided meditation. I’ve adopted several helpful practices to navigate my day, especially during stressful moments, and I’ve gracefully embraced my new life phase.
Remember, every gadget requires maintenance; why should you be any different? Make self-care a priority and not an emergency fix.
Note: What is burnout? The World Health Organization (WHO) recognises burnout as an ‘occupational phenomenon’. While it is not a medical condition, it has been classified as a syndrome, meaning a collection of symptoms or signs associated with a specific health-related cause. Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion.
References:
- BBC. (2021). Why women are more burned out than men. Retrieved from https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210928-why-women-are-more-burned-out-than-men
- Mental Health UK. (2024). Burnout. Retrieved from https://mentalhealth-uk.org/burnout/
